Day 1

I've always want to write a journal and this morning, after talking to my Father about his blog page, I decided to start one of my own. I think what I would like to do is just simply talk about my life and maybe vent a little. I have a nine year old child with autism and probably have a pretty crazy life compared to some. I also have another boy whose eleven and who thankfully does not have this disorder. It is a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon and we just came in from outside. Liam drives me crazy when he is at home full days, with food. He wants to eat constantly and doesn't leave me alone until he gets what he wants. As soon as we came in the door, he requested chips because I foolishly bought some for the weekend. He ended up getting cereal because I wanted to start writing this blog. If I have any of the junk foods he loves(chips, cookies, any kind of bar), I am toast because he will torture me until he gets it. When we are at home together, I feel like I'm in kind of a limbo state of existence - I can't get into anything too seriously because at any moment he might need help with something, having a fit and trying to get into food he's not supposed to have. As I write this, he is crying and shouting "hiccups" and "my eyes are getting burned". He has now stopped and has decided to go outside with his Dad and brother. I have just checked on him and I am now back to the computer desperately hoping to get a few more moments of peace before he comes back inside. I have been trying to find something these past several years to help me to relax while at home with him. Knitting hasn't worked because it takes too much concentration, reading is difficult because he could interrupt me at any time, watching tv becomes too empty after a while - maybe I've finally found the thing, the thing to do that will help me to cope throughout my days - writing everything I can down in a journal and praying for release from my fear of the long day or hours ahead or the fear of other long days like it and how I'm going to cope. I am a born-again Christian which means that I have a personal relationship with my Saviour Jesus Christ and He runs my life. He is the center of my existence and has been the One I rely on for everything. He wants me to have a good life, He does not want me to be unhappy and fearful - He wants me to live the freedom that Christ gave me, He wants me to grab hold of this freedom. I still have a ways to go though before I'm able to feel that peaceful existence for which I long. Well, I don't know if I'll be blogging once a day, twice a week or twice a day - I just know that I want this journalling to be therapeutic, something that I look forward to doing.