Day 4

I stop to think sometimes about how attached I am to my own routine. I like knowing that A leads to B which eventually makes its way to C. However, raising a child with autism means that A doesn't necessarily lead to B but could quite possibly make its way over to W all at once and finds its way back to G. About the only thing I can count on these days is that Liam is going to be feeling off this summer. What I don't really know is the severity of his feelings and how these emotions are going to affect our family. Jacob is at camp this week and while I miss his company, I also miss the extra pair of hands to help me when Liam is having a rough morning. At eleven, Jacob is able to take him our for short walks around our neighbourhood, chase after him when he's run out the house and sit by him when he's having a fit.


His centre based therapy was starting this morning but instead of the usual 9am-3pm schedule, this year the camp was scheduled from 10am-3pm. While this might not seem like such a big deal to most of us, Liam can't handle this kind of change especially when his whole world is already upside down. He proceeded to follow me around insisting that we leave for the center and it was only 8:30am. It is at these times that I get very afraid wondering if I'm going to be able to make it through the 1/2 hour or even possibly an hour of anxious obsessing from Liam. Sometimes this fear overtakes me and I start wondering how I am going to get through tomorrow and the day after. The Lord has helped me to understand that fear puts me in a position of vulnerability or weakness because fear leads to less faith in my Lord. He promises me strength through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ and when I fear, I miss out on what He has to reveal to me and anytime He has something to share, just know it is too good to be missed.

Well, Liam finally got to attend Ice Age 3 this evening with me and the night went very well. Movies can be harrowing experiences for us as a family because something in the movie could set him off and he has been known to take it out on the person in the seat in front of us. Two years ago, he hit a twelve year old girl in the row ahead of him because he was overstimulated by a scene in the movie. The girl didn't even turn around and the mother just smiled warmly at me after I apologized. I knew then the family must know autism because the typical reaction in this kind of situation is not usually warmth. Tonight, however, he was very cute, yelling out all the characters names before the movie and as we were leaving the theater, yelling out a goodbye to each character. Well, got to go - it's after ten pm and my eyes are starting to close. As Liam would say "goodbye friend"